My Father's Daughter


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Home

Michael Buble’s song Home is currently one of my favourite songs. The first time I heard it was while the credits ran on some movie that I saw in the theatre (for the life of me I can’t remember the movie, but I think I liked it). I was moved by the song, maybe because of residual feelings from the movie. This happens to me a lot — the whole music-movie connection. Sometimes a song will make a scene that much more intense (obviously this is the intent and I am merely a pawn in their game, vulnerable to their manipulations), or because of the events in the movie, the song becomes much more moving to me. More often it is the music that affects the movie experience. In Daredevil, which isn’t a movie meant to tug the ole’ heartstrings, the Evanescence song My Immortal plays during a funeral scene that also includes a moment of romance. It was one of the most intense movie moments I’ve had (and indeed, it is a beautiful, beautiful song). One of the reasons I love movies is their ability to transport me into different lives, different experiences, different emotions and if I’m able to lose myself in those moments, I become as emotionally engaged as if I were experiencing the same thing the characters are. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it greatly affects me.

Anyway, I was talking about Home. I really like the music and the words and Michael’s voice, but what I like most about this song is the reminder that I am NOT home. It is a reminder of that nagging feeling I constantly have that I want to go home. The feeling that I am not at peace here, that there is something better, that I miss a home that I have not known but that will fulfill a lifetime of longing. I think I am someone who needs to work on contentment — I am no Paul. But I think that some of my discontent with this life is due to the fact that we were not made for this life, we were made for something grander and something within us longs for that.

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Still with us

On Friday I wore the exact same outfit that I was wearing when my mother-in-law died — with one notable exception; this time I was also wearing a necklace that once belonged to her. I’ve worn it virtually everyday since the day after her death. I like being reminded that she is still with us. With each loss of a grandparent I have really appreciated hearing them honoured at their funerals and knowing that they are a part of me – I am their legacy and they will live on here on earth through me. I was also surprised by the feeling that they are still with us — that their spirit was almost palpable. I feel this now too with Pat. She will continue to be of influence to those who knew her and those who meet the ones she has left behind because she is carried in our hearts. I like perpetuating that.

And oh what a legacy, what a spirit. The necklace also helps to serve as a “What Would Pat Do?” reminder. My mother-in-law and I, sadly, did not have much in common, and there is much I can learn from her uncomplaining, loving, kind, gentle, sweet, innocent, and trusting nature. She was more unfailingly aware of God’s control in her life than anyone else I’ve met and completely left all matters in his hands. I pray I can learn to be more like her as my life goes on and I do my best to love her son.